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Rivalry in pairs and how to avoid it

Rivalry is a special type of relationship, which is based on the struggle for value: power, prestige, recognition, love, financial successes. Rivalry with a colleague at work, with a friend in the gym and a classmate in English classes can become an engine of progress, and the spirit of competitions – lead to victory and unexpectedly good results. But in a couple it I recommend is always destructive. Why is it worth avoiding and how to build a partnership relationship?

The first signs of the spirit of rivalry appear in a child at 5-6 years old and are associated with the struggle for parental love. If parents repel the child from time to time (for example, when he does not obey), he concludes: you need to fight for love.

Jealousy for brothers and sisters also causes a desire to fight, especially if one of the parents shows that he loves the youngest or older child. The desire to fight arises and when the parents themselves show the child a strong desire for competition.

The future thirst for rivalry in pairs is formed in a child in a conflict with a parent of the opposite sex. This happens, for example, when a girl wants her mother to divorce with dad or stepfather, when dad drinks, raises her hand to her daughter. As a result, the girl wants to push the man to the background. Having become an adult, she chooses just such a scenario of family relationships. According to the same scheme, a thirst for rivalry with a woman arises in a boy who experienced serious conflicts with his mother.

The battle of the sexes

The rivalry of spouses is most often manifested in the desire to prove to the partner the significance of their achievements – in career and finances, in authority among friends and children, in personal successes. Such a model of behavior is destructive and gradually destroys the relationship.

A woman can initially choose a weak man in partners in order to exceed him externally, intellectually, financially and assert himself at his expense. Demonstrating to the man his superiority, she underestimates his male ego.

A man, in order to rise against a woman, criticizes her for any reason, consciously does not speak compliments, does not deal with household chores, making it clear that this is her duty, because she is no longer capable of anything.

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